one might say we're banned from that church
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
