Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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