remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
