you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
