Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
