Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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