I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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