so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
