this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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