I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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