When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
