Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
