Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
