Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
