you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
