1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
