He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We are two peas in an std pod
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
