And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
