I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
