were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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