his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
