new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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