he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
