found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Don't EVER smell your tampon
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
