the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
