apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
