3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
