just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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