Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I did not marry a roomba.
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