just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
