You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
