i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
