i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
