I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
