Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
