he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
