I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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