4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He better not be in your backpack
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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