Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
