You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
