If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
