so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
don't judge my taste in strippers
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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