a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
