Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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