wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
