Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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