Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
