I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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