Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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