There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
