Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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