wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
