You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize