She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
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