I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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