after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
