and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
