I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
